I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
