East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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