Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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