She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
