I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
