if only i could text you this smell
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
