Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
