The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Bring me that man meat
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
