I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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