You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
