I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
