Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
