I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
