once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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