she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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