His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
