Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
