Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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