Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
