Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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