While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
