This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
