I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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