Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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