:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Actions speak louder than pants.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
