I just saw a hot homeless man
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
