I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I didn't notice because vodka
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
