Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
