"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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