I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
