i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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