my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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