Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize