I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
