Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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