I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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