I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
