Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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