I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize