i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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