If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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