It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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