i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
honey bunches of taint.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize