After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
