Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Randomize
