My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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