why didn't you poke me back
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
