I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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