Non-Jews are for practice
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
