I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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