I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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