Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
