There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
