a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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