Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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