some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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