Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
