Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
