hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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