Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
