You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
