Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
