The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
