wanna go halves on a baby?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
