At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
All the doctor said was why
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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