Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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