The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
