Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I could fuck to npr.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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