Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize