it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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