how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
