New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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