MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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