Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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