I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
