I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
