omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
