if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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