I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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