i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
