remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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