Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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