i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
