she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
