Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize